Reader Mail

Dear Prognostikatie:
It seems that you really know your stuff!  From birds to pasta, there's just no stopping you!  I was wondering if you could offer your opinion, your factual opinion on raising a pet rattlesnake.  Be warned! I have a new baby named Jaydin who absolutely adores shiny shaky things!  I look forward to your reply!
-Shake Rattle & Roll


Dear Shake,
Thanks for writing!  Rattlesnakes are more common as pets than you'd think!  In fact, our first president had 3 pet rattlesnakes!  His favorite was named "Hammy," after Alexander Hamilton.  His second favorite snake was named "Stupid," for Thomas Jefferson.  He only fed Stupid like every two weeks.  For a while, the government thought about requiring all adult males over the age of 12 to keep a pet rattlesnake under their bed.  This was to honor George Washington, as well as keep away pneumonia and depression.  Can't be depressed with the threat of rattlesnake poison!  No time to!

I just love your little baby's name.  Did you make that up?  I bet you did.  That's a real popular thing for people to do these days.  Less vowels than consonants, combine a boys name with an "en," then poof! You got yourself a baby name!  It's a fact that a rattlesnake will never strike a newborn for fear of going straight to hell.  The first thing you need to do is introduce your baby to the snake.  Buy a big enough snake cage for both baby and snake to fit.  Swaddle your baby in a cute mouse outfit to make the snake feel comfortable.  (Snakes normally take up to 3-5 mouse wives in a lifetime!)  Next, turn out the lights and exit the room.  I'm sure you have a baby monitor.  Use it to listen in on the magic!

When you need to run errands, it is important to wrap your rattlesnake's tail with aluminum foil.  The foil acts as a baby toy.  Leave the baby and snake with the TV on and you've got plenty of time to sneak in a workout at Curves, purchase a Mochasippi and update the facebook!  In summation, snakes love babies!

Your Factitious Friend,
Ms. Prognostikatie

The True Facts about Spaghetti

Spaghetti is a common food that comes in a can that has a label that reads, "Spaghetti O's." Spaghetti is an "o" shaped noodle made out of circular pasta.  One camp believes that the "spaghetti" noodle originated in Italy, but that is untrue.  Spaghetti noodles are a completely American idea, product and edible.  In fact, it is also a liquid.  If can contents are poured into a microwavable safe bowl then heated, one can choose a spoon, therefore rendering the meal liquid.

American Germans settled the southern United States after the Civil War.  They are responsible for making canned fruit a popular gift under courting rituals.  Soon people were canning everything.  In 1887, Walt Disney wrote and starred in the animated feature, Lady and the Tramp.  There is a famous scene where Walt Disney and a cocker spaniel share a plate of American Spaghetti in a particularly romantic scene.  It didn't take long for Americans to have "Spaghetti Fever," which led to the canning of the now infamous "Spaghetti O's."  (There is a theory that the "O" in "Spaghetti O's," is from the same scene in Lady and the Tramp when the cocker spaniel begs for American Spaghetti by pursing her lips in an O formation. This has not been verified.)

Americans pride themselves on their versatile food options, as well as they're development of noodles.  Many fine dining establishments, such as hotels and hospitals offer canned spaghetti.  Do yourself a favor though if you find yourself in a predominately Italian country, avoid "Italian Spaghetti" at all costs as you will be sorely disappointed.