Dear Prognostikatie:
It seems that you really know your stuff! From birds to pasta, there's just no stopping you! I was wondering if you could offer your opinion, your factual opinion on raising a pet rattlesnake. Be warned! I have a new baby named Jaydin who absolutely adores shiny shaky things! I look forward to your reply!
-Shake Rattle & Roll
Dear Shake,
Thanks for writing! Rattlesnakes are more common as pets than you'd think! In fact, our first president had 3 pet rattlesnakes! His favorite was named "Hammy," after Alexander Hamilton. His second favorite snake was named "Stupid," for Thomas Jefferson. He only fed Stupid like every two weeks. For a while, the government thought about requiring all adult males over the age of 12 to keep a pet rattlesnake under their bed. This was to honor George Washington, as well as keep away pneumonia and depression. Can't be depressed with the threat of rattlesnake poison! No time to!
I just love your little baby's name. Did you make that up? I bet you did. That's a real popular thing for people to do these days. Less vowels than consonants, combine a boys name with an "en," then poof! You got yourself a baby name! It's a fact that a rattlesnake will never strike a newborn for fear of going straight to hell. The first thing you need to do is introduce your baby to the snake. Buy a big enough snake cage for both baby and snake to fit. Swaddle your baby in a cute mouse outfit to make the snake feel comfortable. (Snakes normally take up to 3-5 mouse wives in a lifetime!) Next, turn out the lights and exit the room. I'm sure you have a baby monitor. Use it to listen in on the magic!
When you need to run errands, it is important to wrap your rattlesnake's tail with aluminum foil. The foil acts as a baby toy. Leave the baby and snake with the TV on and you've got plenty of time to sneak in a workout at Curves, purchase a Mochasippi and update the facebook! In summation, snakes love babies!
Your Factitious Friend,
Ms. Prognostikatie
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