Facts about Selling Things Quickly

Sexy things sell faster than non-sexy things.  Adjectives are a great way to make ordinary things, extraordinary.  See, just by adding "extra," the word ordinary, which is an innately boring word, is now exotic.

Here is an example of an ordinary, non-sexy ad for a bicycle:
"Bicycle for sale. Two wheels. Goes left and right."

Here is an example of an extraordinary, super sexy ad for a bicycle:

My Haro Heartland is looking for a new home, perhaps a summer abroad. She's just graduated from high school and is looking for new experiences. I've attached some candid shots of bikey so you can get to know her. First up is her Senior portrait, Class of '10 what what! Next is another senior portrait where she is casually leaning against a tree. We decided to take some boudoir pics at some point and I think they came out real classy. Last, please find a cheeky, come hither photo.

Please, if you are a pedalfile, do not ask to "just sit on the bike for a while." That's gross. 

Even if you are submitting a resume, it has been proven that sexy resumes are more likely to grab the attention of a prospective employer than a non-sexy resume.  There are several ways to create a sexy resume.  The easiest way is to go to "File" on your toolbar and choose "Format," which is like 5 options down and then you'll see the "sexy" option.  This is only available on Word '94, but if you have a different version, don't fret.  Here is another method to sexy up your resume:

In summation, if you are feeling dull professionally, or if you need to sell something that everybody has and nobody wants, make it sexy.