Most people are unaware of the close kinship of Steve Jobs and Ricky Martin. Ricky was Steve Jobs' muse. When Steve, or as Ricky would call him, "Tiny bite," would have a creative block, he would call Ricky and Ricky would sing him this song:
La la la la bamba
Necessito manzanas
Feliz Navidad, por favor burrito
Mordedura minuscula
Mordedura minuscula
la la la la la bamba
Tiny Bite would curl the cord to his land line phone around his finger and kick his legs in delight.
The Beginning:
Steve and Ricky met when Steve was a sound engineer at the Lakefront Arena in New Orleans. Ricky always went out of his way to thank everyone involved in making his concerts a success. He introduced himself to Steve, "Hola Steve. I am name is es Ricky." "Hi Ricky. I am Steve Jobs." "Hola Steve Yob." "Hola Ricky." "Hello Mr. Steve." "Good Day Ricky." "Buenas Dias Senor Yob." "Bon Jour Ricardo." "G'day Stevey Weevey." "Rats off to ya Rick!" This went on for several minutes.
Ever since that day, the two became inseparable. "Stevey! Guess who as two ticket to dennylan? Si! It is es me! Ricky!" Or..."Tiny Bite, you need to come over es right now. Pam made some es salsa and it has mangoes in it your favorite."
iPOD Nano:
Steve wanted to be able to listen to Ricky Martin whenever he wanted. He loved the treadmill and hated carrying around a cumbersome boom box as was customary in the late 1900's. With his background as a sound engineer, he developed the Aye Papi! But American investors did not like the Latino sound of the name. They changed it to iPod. The word Nano came from Steve's pet name for Ricky. His little "Nano," or cute little baby.
The Future:
As everyone knows, Steve was electructed in early 2011. Ricky remains sad.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Facts about Mother Teresa
Originally from upstate Massachusetts, Teresa Scorintino was born in 1922 to Dolores and Ricky, a seamstress and a postman. She was a huge baby, short and fat - 14lbs, 3 inches. Dolores was murdered by Ricky when Teresa was eleven. Teresa came home to find her mom in her dad's burlap postal bag. He affixed an address to it: 123 Bering Strait to Hell! "I'll show her," he muttered. "Next time you want me to 'pick up some milk on the way home,' maybe you'll think twice, eh? Maybe you'll think twice. Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh hey Teresa, why own shoe bring daddy his cigarettes, eh? That's a good girl. Kiss your ma goodnight. Look what she did? You see that? She sewed herself in this sack like a pillow. Ain't she weird?"
The news of the murder shook the tiny town of New Branswick, but put them on the map for originating the term, "going postal."
Despite this early trauma, Teresa went on to join the New York City Ballet as a principal dancer. This led to a long career in the theatre and on the silver screen. Perhaps best known for her role opposite Gregory Hines in the movie "White Nights," Teresa was a magnificent dancer. She is credited for developing the dance move, "The Over Under." No one has been able to ever do this move.
While touring with the Eagles in Ohio, Teresa met a nice man by the name of Alberto Venezuela Alvarez, a Canadian light tech. At the time she was dating Eagles roadie, Jonathan Flipmeyer. One night Teresa overhead Jonathan telling Don Henley details of their sex life. This upset Teresa very much and she rushed into the arms of Alberto. Alberto held her tight and promised he would never tell anyone about what they did between the sheets. This pleased Teresa and they got married and had twin girls - Rachael and Diane. They called her "Mother."
Teresa died in the Summer of 2011 of heat stroke while tending to her vegetable garden.
The news of the murder shook the tiny town of New Branswick, but put them on the map for originating the term, "going postal."
Despite this early trauma, Teresa went on to join the New York City Ballet as a principal dancer. This led to a long career in the theatre and on the silver screen. Perhaps best known for her role opposite Gregory Hines in the movie "White Nights," Teresa was a magnificent dancer. She is credited for developing the dance move, "The Over Under." No one has been able to ever do this move.
While touring with the Eagles in Ohio, Teresa met a nice man by the name of Alberto Venezuela Alvarez, a Canadian light tech. At the time she was dating Eagles roadie, Jonathan Flipmeyer. One night Teresa overhead Jonathan telling Don Henley details of their sex life. This upset Teresa very much and she rushed into the arms of Alberto. Alberto held her tight and promised he would never tell anyone about what they did between the sheets. This pleased Teresa and they got married and had twin girls - Rachael and Diane. They called her "Mother."
Teresa died in the Summer of 2011 of heat stroke while tending to her vegetable garden.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Buttons: The Real Deal
Buttons do not come in all shapes and sizes. They actually all come from one large button that was first invented in Italy. The best way to explain button production is by explaining how to make sour dough bread. First, you need a "starter." A starter is dough with yeast that you save forever. Each time you make sourdough bread, you incorporate the old dough, forever.
Guiseppe Primavera was from the Isle of Lido, right down the road from Venice. He worked for his father in the real estate business. This guy came in one day and said, hey I've got this plastic that maybe you could use for something useful. He said this as Guiseppe was applying egg yolk to his shirt to keep it closed. Guiseppe and his dad went outside to investigate the plastic mound and after a brief conversation that sounded like, "Pizza pizza prego," they agreed to purchase the plastic. That night Guiseppe had a wild dream about circles and fashion and a hot air balloon that brought him to a strange arena where goats were humans and also Shakespeare was there. He woke at 3am and rushed outside, clearly inspired. He cut three tiny circles off the giant plastic mound and then poked two holes in the circles. He then used horse tail hair to "sew" the buttonmatica to the shirt. (Translation and time manipulated the word buttonmatica to the modern word button.)
To this day, all buttons still come from this very same plastic mound.
Guiseppe Primavera was from the Isle of Lido, right down the road from Venice. He worked for his father in the real estate business. This guy came in one day and said, hey I've got this plastic that maybe you could use for something useful. He said this as Guiseppe was applying egg yolk to his shirt to keep it closed. Guiseppe and his dad went outside to investigate the plastic mound and after a brief conversation that sounded like, "Pizza pizza prego," they agreed to purchase the plastic. That night Guiseppe had a wild dream about circles and fashion and a hot air balloon that brought him to a strange arena where goats were humans and also Shakespeare was there. He woke at 3am and rushed outside, clearly inspired. He cut three tiny circles off the giant plastic mound and then poked two holes in the circles. He then used horse tail hair to "sew" the buttonmatica to the shirt. (Translation and time manipulated the word buttonmatica to the modern word button.)
To this day, all buttons still come from this very same plastic mound.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Facts about Writing a Song
Facts about Music Writing. Follow these instructions and you can write hits just like your favorite hit makers!
Play 3-4 different notes four times each two times. Then, introduce a new note, usually higher or lower. Play this new part two times then go back to the original 3-4 notes, twice. Next, go back to that same new note, then play the original part once, add some hand claps, fade out. Hit. Advance musicology has not progressed enough to distinguish notes from one another, so it's best to designate names for the notes so you don't get confused.
We'll call the first note "Yellow."
Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow
The second note we'll call "Potatoes."
Potato Potato Potato Potato
The third note will be "Our Lady of Perpetual Hope."
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Play Yellow again
Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow
REPEAT THE WHOLE THING
**INTRODUCTION OF NEW HIGHER OR LOWER NOTE ALERT!**
NEW SPECIAL NOTE will be called "Heather."
Heather Heather Heather Heather
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Heather Heather Yellow Yellow Heather Heather Yellow Yellow Heather Heather
*Hand Clap Hand Clap quick, Hand Clap Hand Clap slow*
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Ourladyofperpetualho......
This is top secret industry science. I hope this helps. I've been helping hit makers for years now.
Play 3-4 different notes four times each two times. Then, introduce a new note, usually higher or lower. Play this new part two times then go back to the original 3-4 notes, twice. Next, go back to that same new note, then play the original part once, add some hand claps, fade out. Hit. Advance musicology has not progressed enough to distinguish notes from one another, so it's best to designate names for the notes so you don't get confused.
We'll call the first note "Yellow."
Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow
The second note we'll call "Potatoes."
Potato Potato Potato Potato
The third note will be "Our Lady of Perpetual Hope."
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Play Yellow again
Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow
REPEAT THE WHOLE THING
**INTRODUCTION OF NEW HIGHER OR LOWER NOTE ALERT!**
NEW SPECIAL NOTE will be called "Heather."
 |
| Never play your instrument when you are conscious. And never put the instrument in the upright position. It puts stress on the neck and the circle parts that are also silver. It is important not to sneak up on your instrument. Let it know you are approaching by shouting, "Look Out Behind You!" |
Heather Heather Heather Heather
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Our Lady of Perpetual Hope
Heather Heather Yellow Yellow Heather Heather Yellow Yellow Heather Heather
*Hand Clap Hand Clap quick, Hand Clap Hand Clap slow*
Yellow Yellow
Potato Potato
Our Lady of Perpetual Hope Ourladyofperpetualho......
This is top secret industry science. I hope this helps. I've been helping hit makers for years now.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Facts about Babies
People always say, "Oh babies are such a mystery!" Here are some things you should know should you decide to get a baby:
1. Babies have no neck spines until they are 3 years old. They are filled with honey, one kidney, half and half, and a tiny heart. The heart doubles as the stomach for the first 4 months, fact.
2. Babies have fly vision, as well. This is because their brains are kaleidoscopes. After they open presents on their 5th birthday, their brain transforms into an adult brain.
3. Buy your baby a pet snake. See earlier post, but to recap, babies and snakes are best friends, especially rattle snakes.
4. Babies enjoy sausage sandwiches and no one ever gives it to them. This is why they cry so much.
5. Babies need alone time, just as much as adults. You and your baby will both be happier if you have time apart.
I really hope this helps! Best of luck in acquiring a baby baby.
1. Babies have no neck spines until they are 3 years old. They are filled with honey, one kidney, half and half, and a tiny heart. The heart doubles as the stomach for the first 4 months, fact.
2. Babies have fly vision, as well. This is because their brains are kaleidoscopes. After they open presents on their 5th birthday, their brain transforms into an adult brain.
3. Buy your baby a pet snake. See earlier post, but to recap, babies and snakes are best friends, especially rattle snakes.
4. Babies enjoy sausage sandwiches and no one ever gives it to them. This is why they cry so much.
5. Babies need alone time, just as much as adults. You and your baby will both be happier if you have time apart.
I really hope this helps! Best of luck in acquiring a baby baby.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Carrot + Potato (Love is Blind)
What happens when a blind Potato falls in love with a Carrot?
Let's just say it's a perfect marriage of Vitamin A and Love!
Meet Kevin Broussard, a sight impaired potato just trying to make his way through the world. He, literally! bumps into Julie Lovato, a sexy businesslady carrot. But is LOVE really BLIND?
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