Mardi Gras Song Lyrics

"Big Chief" by Professor Longhair

"Honk honk honk honkhonk bammmbambambam honk honk honk honkhonk."

"Second Line:"
"Badun duuuuuuun dun! Zoink! Badun duuuuuuun dun! Zoink! Dun dun dun, dun dundun du dun.  Dun dun dun, dun dundun du dunnunu, Dun dun dun, dun dunnunna, dundundu dundundun, dundundundun dun dun dun, dundun du DUN!  Badun dun. dun. dundun. dun dun dun dun. dun dun."

"They all asked for you" by Rockin' Dopsie, Jr.:
"Womp womp wawanamawompwomp womp womp banananannawompwomp."

Knowing these few popular songs will enrich your Mardi Gras experience.  All the locals know these songs.  People will say, "Oh you must be a local!" And you can smile and fold your arms over your Villanova sweatshirt and say, "Yes, yes I am.  If only for a day...."

Lessons to Jews in Holocaust Movies

Find a place to hide some peanut butter crackers.  You'll thank me later!

What a deal!

Read below for real facts about good ideas:

1.  If you are purchasing something at a store and you notice they offer gift wrapping, tell them to go ahead and wrap it up, even if what you are buying is for yourself.  From here you have two options: a. Hide the present somewhere in your house.  Wait 5 minutes. "Discover" the present and unwrap it like a child would at a birthday party.  "How unexpected! A gift!"  Option b. Open the package carefully and save the wrapping paper for someone who actually deserves a gift.  It's free paper!

2.  When ordering something online and they offer "include message," say yes.  Always say yes.  This affords you the opportunity to write a message to yourself from your "secret admirer" or dead relative.  "Dear Katie, I saw this and thought of you.  Wish I wasn't dead.  Love, Grandpa."  By the time the gift arrives (because you know you chose the cheapest shipping method), you will have forgotten about the message and it will be a real treat!

3.  If you have a light bulb that burns out, drive to a nearby campus and look for a dorm.  Tell the front desk that you are waiting for Jill Richards.  Look for a lamp and unscrew the lightbulb.  Put the bulb in your purse and go to exit.  Take a call from "Jill" on your cell phone as you exit. "Oh hey Jill!  Oh I was supposed to meet you there!" (trail off...) Turn around and go back in and ask to use a restroom.  Help yourself to a few rolls of TP while you are in there.  Wait 5 long seconds, flush, pretend to wash your hands then leave!  It's a one stop shop!

4.  To boost self-esteem find a ukelele and pretend like it's a regular size guitar.  This will make you feel gigantic.

5.  There's no real need to own a watch when you can just draw one on your wrist.  Look at your phone to update the time.

You are welcome!

Isotoner: Behind the V

"Your fingers are cold and you want to look bold - Isotoner! Isotoner!"

"When it's cold outside and there's no where to hide - Isotoner! Isotoner!"

"Look for the V it spells qual-ity!" Isotoner! Isotoner!

"Isotoner!"     

Everyone remembers this popular jingle from 1937.  This particular jingle was so popular, the The Gray Purple recorded a version of it for their Platinum Selling album, "Mercury Honey."  What many people don't realize is that the jingle was originally recorded by Shannon and the Bangolly's, a doo wop group better known for their rendition of "A Mighty Storm is in the Forecast Shoopeedoo."  Because of the racial climate at that time, Shannon (Okra) and her bandmates (Cheryl Washington, Edna Black, and Rita Marks) were never properly recognized for their contribution.  The Isotoner company gave credit to the Max & Schnyder Advertising Company.  When asked, "Who came up with that amazing jingle," Isotoner employees were instructed to say, "Oh Dick Schnyder over at Max & Schnyders." "Of course!" people would say.  At that time, Max & Schnyder was the most successful ad and marketing team in the country.

Back then, blacks were not properly represented in the entertainment industry and many of their artistic contributions were overlooked, or worse, stolen.  Luckily, Shannon and the Bangolly's went on to have successful careers, but things were not good for Isotoner.

When news broke that Max & Schnyder did not write the jingle, America was outraged.  You see, Isotoner was not just a glove company, it was a movement.  At the beginning, it became custom when wearing your Isotoners to shoot the index and middle finger up into a V.  This gesture swept the nation.  (The word "Isotoner" is latin for "winged animal," hence the V design on the glove.)  In protest, people started holding up one finger to show their disgust, and the gesture became known as,  

"Shooting the Bird." Isotoner issued a formal apology, but by then people had moved on, but the gesture remained a symbol of disgust. 

Reader Mail

Dear Prognostikatie:
It seems that you really know your stuff!  From birds to pasta, there's just no stopping you!  I was wondering if you could offer your opinion, your factual opinion on raising a pet rattlesnake.  Be warned! I have a new baby named Jaydin who absolutely adores shiny shaky things!  I look forward to your reply!
-Shake Rattle & Roll


Dear Shake,
Thanks for writing!  Rattlesnakes are more common as pets than you'd think!  In fact, our first president had 3 pet rattlesnakes!  His favorite was named "Hammy," after Alexander Hamilton.  His second favorite snake was named "Stupid," for Thomas Jefferson.  He only fed Stupid like every two weeks.  For a while, the government thought about requiring all adult males over the age of 12 to keep a pet rattlesnake under their bed.  This was to honor George Washington, as well as keep away pneumonia and depression.  Can't be depressed with the threat of rattlesnake poison!  No time to!

I just love your little baby's name.  Did you make that up?  I bet you did.  That's a real popular thing for people to do these days.  Less vowels than consonants, combine a boys name with an "en," then poof! You got yourself a baby name!  It's a fact that a rattlesnake will never strike a newborn for fear of going straight to hell.  The first thing you need to do is introduce your baby to the snake.  Buy a big enough snake cage for both baby and snake to fit.  Swaddle your baby in a cute mouse outfit to make the snake feel comfortable.  (Snakes normally take up to 3-5 mouse wives in a lifetime!)  Next, turn out the lights and exit the room.  I'm sure you have a baby monitor.  Use it to listen in on the magic!

When you need to run errands, it is important to wrap your rattlesnake's tail with aluminum foil.  The foil acts as a baby toy.  Leave the baby and snake with the TV on and you've got plenty of time to sneak in a workout at Curves, purchase a Mochasippi and update the facebook!  In summation, snakes love babies!

Your Factitious Friend,
Ms. Prognostikatie

The True Facts about Spaghetti

Spaghetti is a common food that comes in a can that has a label that reads, "Spaghetti O's." Spaghetti is an "o" shaped noodle made out of circular pasta.  One camp believes that the "spaghetti" noodle originated in Italy, but that is untrue.  Spaghetti noodles are a completely American idea, product and edible.  In fact, it is also a liquid.  If can contents are poured into a microwavable safe bowl then heated, one can choose a spoon, therefore rendering the meal liquid.

American Germans settled the southern United States after the Civil War.  They are responsible for making canned fruit a popular gift under courting rituals.  Soon people were canning everything.  In 1887, Walt Disney wrote and starred in the animated feature, Lady and the Tramp.  There is a famous scene where Walt Disney and a cocker spaniel share a plate of American Spaghetti in a particularly romantic scene.  It didn't take long for Americans to have "Spaghetti Fever," which led to the canning of the now infamous "Spaghetti O's."  (There is a theory that the "O" in "Spaghetti O's," is from the same scene in Lady and the Tramp when the cocker spaniel begs for American Spaghetti by pursing her lips in an O formation. This has not been verified.)

Americans pride themselves on their versatile food options, as well as they're development of noodles.  Many fine dining establishments, such as hotels and hospitals offer canned spaghetti.  Do yourself a favor though if you find yourself in a predominately Italian country, avoid "Italian Spaghetti" at all costs as you will be sorely disappointed.

The Facts about Poseidon and Wind Farm Technology

Many people wonder aloud, "Whatever happened to Poseidon?"  "Poseidon the guy who played for the Steelers?" "No." "Oh, then I don't know."  And then it kind of ends there.

What most don't realize is that Poseidon was Atlantic City's hottest attraction in the late 80's.  After battling a drug addiction, he eventually invested in wind farm technology.  Below find "Poseidon: A Life in Photographs:"

Facts about Small Birds